so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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