How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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