I wish I could punch you in the face.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
