I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
