Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
3 2 1 whiskey
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
