Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
