Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
