I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
