so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
