so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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