I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just want nice things and good sex
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
