I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
