if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
