So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
