i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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