Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
