So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
