break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
