I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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