1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
