i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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