I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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