This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
