Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
home. puking in laundry basket.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
