You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
True strength comes from lack of pants
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
