Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
