Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
