he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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