Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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