she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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