Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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