Non-Jews are for practice
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
