Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
