I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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