Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Jerry, you need to find god
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
