OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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