the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You took a bar mat shot.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
