Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
