dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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