No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
