oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
