I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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