you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
