this beer tastes like vomit already
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
