ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
