My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
