make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
