But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
