I feel great
I just peed on a car
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
