He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
