i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
